Songwriter for Hire

Dear Rodney Atkins,

I know what you're going to think.  You're going to think that I'm some strange groupie who watches all of your videos and has delusional fantasies about meeting you, etc., etc.  But in fact, I had never heard of you until yesterday.  You see, I have Sirius satellite radio in my minivan and I've been in an inexplicable country music phase for the past week.  Oh, don't let the fact that I hadn't heard of you offend you in any way.  I have several kids and a couple of puppies, lots of laundry most days and really, I can't keep up with what's current, especially in the country music world, which I visit quite sporadically.  But I heard your song Farmer's Daughter and it brought to mind a country song I had written some time ago.  It's good, I think, and would be perfect for you.  I looked on your website...

...and you seem to sing songs about normal people with normal situations and you have an old-fashioned sound that I like.  A true country sound, from what little I know about it.  I did see Charlie Pride in concert one time, and Kenny Chesney too (not together).  I have sent an email to your management company, to inquire about the best address to reach you and send you these lyrics.  Oh, and I've "liked" you on Facebook, an action that I'm sure will catch your attention and be quite rewarding to you in your career.  The music portion of this song, I'm afraid, will be up to you, because I'm a writer, not a musician and as I said, quite busy with household duties.  I think it should be called "Let's Get Married and Be Happy."

Baby it seems that lately, the only song you know

Is some sob story they’ve been playin’ on the radio

About a guy and girl headed for tragedy,

But baby, that girl ain’t you and that guy isn’t me.

Let’s get married and be happy,

I won’t cheat on you and you won’t discuss me

(with your girlfriends, you know how you do).

We’ll buy a house and take vacations,

Exercise daily and practice meditation,

Let’s get married and be happy.

Baby I know the first time, we didn’t do things right.

Your man had no job and my wife liked to fight.

By now, it should be easier for us to see,

Baby, that wife wasn’t you and that deadbeat ain’t me.

Let’s get married and be happy

I won’t cheat on you and you won’t discuss me

(with your mother and tell her things).

We’ll sit on the porch after we eat,

Watch TV together twice a week,

Let’s get married and be happy.

Baby I think that time can surely heal old wounds,

Things always run smoother the second time around

Take my hand and we’ll settle down,

Baby if you let me, I’ll stick around.

Let’s get married and be happy.

I won’t cheat on you and you won’t discuss me

(with my friends, at some bar).

We’ll buy a house and take vacations,

Become experts in communication,

Let’s get married and be happy.

Looking forward to hearing from you, Mr. Atkins (can I call you Rodney?).  You can reach me on Facebook, or here, and I'll do my best to answer promptly.