Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Resolutions: Late and Absurd

We’re well into 2011, certainly too late for New Year’s resolutions, but as I avoid work today, I’m dreaming big.  No “lose weight” or “clean the attic” aspirations for me…no, today I’m thinking about all the:

Big Things I Would Do If I Had The a) Ambition and/or b) Time and/or c) Mental Stamina:

  1. Learn to play the guitar, preferably sappy songs of the variety I like to belt out and cry to in the car.

  1. Study Russian. The language, in the original form, with all the crazy symbols that look like they’d make a cool tattoo.  Then use knowledge of Russian to read Tolstoy and tell everyone that I did so.

  1. Get hair weaved with a long, thick, curly black mane.  Toss around on the street, lift from neck when hot.

  1. Become a yoga master.  Not sure what this entails, but I think I could commit a solid hour a day, especially if I’d get a bum you could bounce coins off.

  1. 5.  Build a tree house, complete with Moroccan rugs and a multi-colored beaded entry.  Uncertain whether I get this image from a book about a harem or that Brady Bunch when the girls upgraded their room (or was it Greg’s hippy room?).  Can’t remember.

  1. Google episode of The Brady Bunch where somebody had a cool room

  1. Win the lottery (amendment:  insert Thing number 6a:  buy lottery ticket).  Use fabulous winnings to pay off mortgages on the homes of mother and siblings, so that they will always agree to drive to my house for future holidays.  Forever.

  1. Be very judicious with my shoes.  Throw away most, keeping only those that make me happy.

  1. Learn how to meditate.  Tap into vast, spiritual reserve that must lurk somewhere underneath the constant buzzing sound.  Mustn’t it?

  1.  Travel back in time.  Feel the superhuman energy of youth.  Climb fences, run through fields, etc.  This last one is probably outside the realm of even this fantastical list, but wouldn’t it be fun?


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"As soon as we express something, we devalue it strangely. We believe ourselves to have dived down into the depths of the abyss, and when we once again reach the surface, the drops of water on our pale fingertips no longer resemble the ocean from which they came...Nevertheless, the treasure shimmers in the darkness unchanged." ---Franz Kafka